


Concrete

by pkmya



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Anorexia, Body Image, Eating Disorders, Family Bonding, Friendship, Gen, Illness, Mental Health Issues, Please read these tags, Possibly Triggering, Recovery, Relapsing, Slow burn friendship, body image issues, its not all negative i promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-09-02 13:16:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16787692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pkmya/pseuds/pkmya
Summary: Feeling responsible for sending Takumi into a downward spiral of body image issues and an eating disorder that leaves him unable to fight during the war, Leo visits him in the infimary and an unlikely friendship emerges.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this was something I started writing years ago and just re-discovered recently. It does deal with the sensitive issue of an eating disorder, so please be aware of that before you start reading! I am trying to write it as respectfully as possible too, I am no expert but have had my own fair share of body image issues. Other than that, enjoy and read at your own risk!  
> It jumps around a little too, so if that's too confusing please let me know!

**_Thirteen years prior to Revelations  
_ **

"Strange things happen when you turn twelve," Ryoma said, crossing his arms over his chest in an attempt to seem as wise and sagely as possible but in reality coming across as very much a fifteen year old. "Sometimes your voice will go really high and sometimes it will go really low for no reason at all."

Takumi peered up from underneath his bed covers with wide eyes, disbelieving his older brother. "I don't remember that happening to you."

"Oh it did," He laughed, breaking the sage pose. "You were just too little to remember, you would have only been seven. But that's not the worst part," A gasp from Takumi. "The worst part is you'll never know when it's going to happen, you could be in the middle of fighting or even talking to a visiting royal family and suddenly you sound like Hinoka!"

"No, not Hinoka!"

 _"I'm tougher than both of you put together, I'll have you know!"_ Takumi gasped at his sister's declaration and his hands flew to his eyes, somehow thinking that this would save him from her wrath. How she heard Ryoma from down the hallway was a mystery in itself, he could swear she always knew someone was talking about her no matter where she was in their estate.

Ryoma placed his finger in front of his lips, and indication that he was thinking exactly what he was. "You will, but eventually it'll stop and your voice will be permanently different, there's just no telling when. It could take years!"

"Years?" Takumi whispered in fright. "I don't want to sound like her for years!"

"It is a terrible fate and unfortunately there's not much you can do about it, but you will survive. Just look at me!" He shook his head, grinning at his brother's shocked expression. He was having fun. "Oh, then you'll grow more hair too, even on your face! You'll have to use a knife to get rid of it."

"No! What if I cut myself?"

"It does happen, but as long as you're not dumb enough to stab yourself in the face you should be okay."

Takumi couldn't believe it, how would he use a knife on his face without hurting himself? Wasn't that the whole purpose of a knife? That was terrifying! How did grown-ups deal with it? It seemed to unnecessarily cruel and dangerous just for the sake of your appearance. "I don't want to do that!"

"Ah but you will have to unless you want a beard so long you trip over it when you're fighting. And that's not all, there are lots of other things that happen to, I just don't think you're ready to hear them yet."

"I am, Ryoma! I am, I'm ten you can tell me!"

"No, I don't thi--"

"Ryoma!" The voice made them both jump and Takumi ducked his head under the covers to avoid his apparently angry older sister. "Don't scare him, you're making it sound like such a bad time."

Ryoma shook his head, frowning at Hinoka. "Sister please, we're just having fun. Anyway, you're younger than me, you can't tell me off."

"Yeah I can."

"Nuh uh."

"Yeah."

"Hinoka!" Takumi jumped out from under the duvet again, suddenly struck with a revelation. Something that could possibly spare him the heartache of this terrible, terrible time apparently coming up. "You're almost thirteen, why didn't any of this stuff happen to you?" He couldn't remember Hinoka's voice changing or her growing facial hair, so maybe it wasn't as bad as Ryoma was saying. Maybe, just maybe it didn't happen to everyone.

"Because I'm a girl." She laughed, taking a break from her argument.

"That's debatable."

The look she gave Ryoma was enough to shut him up but he continued to sit there, looking as pleased with himself as possible. "Stuff happens to girls as well, you just can't see it or hear it as much as you can with boys. It's pretty bad but I think it's worse for boys, no offence intended Ryoma."

"Now who's scaring him?" He quipped and received a side eye in response.

Takumi curled further under the duvet again, suddenly feeling every bit his age with his two older siblings around. They always knew so much and as silly as he felt, he always felt so young in comparison. _Especially_ now. "But I don't want this to happen."

Hinoka's expression softened and she sat down on the bed next to Ryoma, ruffling the top of Takumi's gravity defying bed hair. "I don't know why you two were talking about this, but you're going to be fine Takumi. It's not the end of the world, every adult has been through the same thing don't forget. And we're both here for you, just like we'll all be there for Sakura when she grows up."

"She's right, as much as I don't want to admit it." She punched him in the arm and Takumi felt better.

* * *

Unfortunately the world was not kind to Takumi when things started to change. He didn't grow tall like Ryoma who was now eighteen and stood at least half a foot taller than everyone else, but being the younger brother as he was, he wanted to keep up with everything Ryoma did. He tried to train like him, talk like him and even eat like him and that was where the problem lay.

Eating everything his brother did but not being nearly as tall as him meant that well, maybe his input of calories was more than it should have been. It wasn’t too long before he realised that diet and body shape had a direct link. He was self conscious, of course he was and did he dislike himself? Absolutely but what was new? But Ryoma was still bigger right?

* * *

"Why?" Takumi pulled the shirt out of Ryoma's arms and inspected the collar. It was nicely made and a good colour, but it was tailored for him as was evident by his name embroidered on the cuff.

"I just think it will suit you more than me," He shrugged. "I got it a few years ago now and I don't want to wear it anymore."

He eyed his brother warily, they'd never shared clothes before because of the height difference so why they were starting now was a question he couldn't answer. It was a nice shirt though, he couldn't deny that. "But it has your name on it."

"Roll the sleeves up," He headed back towards the doorway and Takumi sensed a sort of awkwardness, like he didn't want to be there. Someone had probably told him to do this, for some reason. "Trust me, you'll look good."

* * *

He heard the voices coming down the corridor as he hung up his practice bow in the training room. They were faint but he could understand them, Mikoto and one of her advisors, he didn't know which one, probably Yukimura but they all sounded the same after a while. They probably didn’t know he was in here, he had stayed an extra ten minutes this evening.

"...maybe create a stricter training regimen, I'm sure Ryoma would help out."

"He trains hard already with his archery," He felt his throat go dry, were they speaking about him? "And I don't know how well he would respond to forced training with his brother. They're better as allies rather than Ryoma as his superior."

"It was just a suggestion, your majesty. At risk of overstepping, I just don't think it is a good representation for our nation to have a prince that well, looks like he’s uh, reaping all the…culinary benefits of being royalty _._ It gives the wrong impression of Hoshido, particularly since we are a hard working people."

Their footsteps stopped just outside the door and he stood dead still, even trying to keep his breathing silent. He heard Mikoto sigh, was she even going to defend him? "Takumi _is_ a hard worker but I understand what you’re saying. He’s young though, there’s still much growing to do.” There were a few more steps and then Yukimura’s muffled voice, which he couldn’t make out this time. But he still heard his mother’s reply. “It's just such a hard topic to approach, I don't want to upset him."

* * *

"You're disgusting," He forced the words out from between gritted teeth. How could he be so stupid? He knew all his siblings were stronger than him, more skilled at fighting than him, _better than him_ but he hadn't realised that all of Hoshido thought he was a fat, lazy, _stupid_ prince. He'd been embarrassed before and would never change clothing at the same time as Ryoma, he hadn’t wanted to let his brother see how inadequate he was. And now everyone thought he was useless! "How can you let everyone down like this?"

He wanted to yell and kick and fight something and at first his bed helped. He slammed his fists into it, cursing himself for everything. But that only helped for so long, he needed something more. So without hesitation, he raised his balled fists up and at full force - as if he was fighting a Nohrian - slammed them into his stomach. The first one made him cough and splutter but he didn't stop. He deserved this, maybe if he wasn't so weak-willed and could actually say no to food then this wouldn't be a problem in the first place. He would have to get stronger.

It hurt so badly but he continued, continued beating himself up until the coughing was too much and he hurled the entire contents of his stomach onto his chamber floor.

Good. Better there than in him.

He wasn't even fully aware when Oboro ran in, handed him a canteen of water and sat him down on the bed. “Are you okay?"

"I just felt sick."

* * *

"Takumi, just take your shirt off. The sooner you do it, the sooner the fitting will be over," The exasperation in Ryoma's voice was obvious. "I'm your brother, I've seen you without a shirt before."

"Milord," Oboro added. "The tailor only has twenty five minutes available and I'd like to learn as much from him as possible, if you beg my pardon." His face flared bright red, not once in the past five years had he had a suit fitting together with Ryoma and it had to be _now_ of all times.

"But I don't..."

"Please, Takumi."

"Please, milord," Feeling suddenly under the spotlight, he relented and very slowly begun untying his tunic, revealing a big part of what he hated about himself underneath. He got halfway done and stopped, suddenly aware of all the eyes on him in the room. He couldn't do it, not with... "Lord Takumi, what's the matter?"

"Nothing, it's fine," He grumbled, yanking off the rest of his shirt and throwing it down onto the ground in frustration. The gasp was collective and he just wanted to melt into a puddle on the ground. He knew they'd all notice, of course they would. They - the tailor included - were all staring at his very painful looking and self-inflicted bruise on his stomach. "Can we please get on with it?" He snapped. "I just fell over while training the other day, okay?"

Ryoma nodded and the tailor got started on him, but Oboro just eyed him warily.

* * *

It started with making his meals smaller. Two servings became one, one became half then a quarter. Breakfast was forgone and then lunch was pushed back so late that by dinner he was hardly hungry and had less. Soon though, it wasn't enough - he was always hungry after dinner but he ignored it. Hunger was good for him, it would teach him how to be stronger.

* * *

The training session started out okay, he and Hinoka were hitting every target and making good progress. Halfway through though he was suddenly exhausted and the ground started moving, making it incredibly difficult to concentrate on aiming properly. His arrow went way left of the dummy and the next one even further, bringing Hinoka to a halt.

"Takumi, you missed them by miles. Are you okay? Is there something wrong with your bow?" She turned to him with eyebrows knitted together in concern. "Your aim is always so perfect."

"I'm fine." He huffed, grabbing one of the arrows from the ground and getting it ready to shoot again. He didn't feel okay, he felt just about ready to pass out but it was probably just because he'd been training a lot more than usual. Though he didn't think he wasn't fit enough to handle the regimen, that was absurd.

He had to close one eye to stop the target from moving and his hands were shaking as he tried to steady his bow. When he finally let go, the arrow flew way over the top, landing ten or so metres further than the target. "I'm just off form today."

* * *

It was just dinner now. No one noticed at first, but Takumi would make himself absent every lunch either training or jogging through the nearby villages. It was a strict routine, every day at eleven till three.

* * *

Training just went downhill. At first he could keep up for half an hour, then twenty minutes and eventually he couldn't even keep up for ten. He was constantly out of breath and his arms would shake whenever he tried to aim his bow. It was frustrating, he'd never had any issues like this before, not even when he was bigger.

"Brother, I'm concerned," Ryoma grabbed him by his shoulder and sat them down on the bench at the side of the room. He was too tired to protest but was more thankful for the break than anything else. "You haven't had one good sparring session in two weeks."

"I've just had other things on my mind." He was out of breath and the words came out sounding more pitiful than convincing.

"I find it hard to believe," He frowned. "Are you sick? Because you've lost a lot of weight really quickly."

"No, I'm fine."

"How about sleeping? I know you have bad dreams and that's affected your performance before."

"I'm fine, Ryoma. I really am."

"Hm, maybe you're not eating correctly. It can be hard to concentrate when you're not getting..." He stopped mid-sentence when there was no resistance from his brother. He had always been terrible at hiding anything and Ryoma knew this. So he leant down and looked at him directly but Takumi wouldn't meet his eyes. Terrified that if he did, he'd give it away - not realising that this was perhaps worse. "You're not, are you?" No answer. "Takumi, are you eating at all?"

"Yes!" He suddenly shouted, jumping to his feet and starting for the doorway. "Sometimes!"

Ryoma was faster and stood in the frame, blocking the exit for his smaller brother. Takumi briefly considered barging through him, but even that thought exhausted him. "That's not healthy, there are much safer ways to lose weight, brother."

He felt his temperature flare, almost as insulted as when he overheard the advisor that one time. "What makes you think it's about that?" He lied, eyes narrowed and glaring up at him. "You don't understand, Ryoma." That was it, he still had a little energy left. So before he had a chance to respond, he gathered up his remaining strength and shoved him out the way. His arms were throbbing by the time he stalked back to his quarters.

* * *

" _...he looks so small..."_

He could feel an arm shaking his shoulder and his first instinct was to bat it away but that required more energy that he currently had. So he ignored it until there was a harder push and that brought him slightly into a more conscious state. He stirred for a moment and the thought crossed his mind that _no one ever woke him up,_ he was usually up before Hinata and Oboro even started. His eyes flew open and he was greeted with the concerned faces of Ryoma and Hinoka. Why were they there and couldn't they just let him sleep?

"Takumi, it's almost eleven and you weren't even close to waking up. Did you sleep okay?" Hinoka spoke first, placing her hand on his forehead. "Hm, you don't have a fever."

Almost eleven? "I need to go train!”

"You'll do no such thing," Ryoma's hand was firmly on his shoulder again, keeping him from jumping out of bed. "We need to talk."

* * *

"You know, Oboro, you don't need to be in here at the moment. I don't exactly need help with anything," Takumi commented, watching her as she attempted to thread a needle. "Not saying I don't appreciate the company though."

"I know, I just think it might be less lonely for you if I hang around more," She was so focused on getting the cotton threaded through and didn't look up, but he could see the slight flush on her cheeks. She had been doing this a lot recently, to the point where they had gotten comfortable with silence. And to be honest, he spent so much time in his quarters now it was nice to have another person around. "Finally, I did it!" The words made him jump and she sprung up from her chair, bounding over to show him her handiwork.

For a moment, she was a little kid again and Takumi smiled. As soon as she got over to his bed though, she realised her place and straightened up to politely show the needle. "My apologies, milord. I'm just really bad at threading so I always feel like it's a big deal."

"It is a big deal, Oboro, I'm proud of you," They resumed their previous positions and Takumi lay down this time, letting his eyes droop shut. He got so tired so often now, that's why he was stuck up here most of the time. He'd been drifting for maybe twenty minutes when his stomach decided to growl very audibly. Oboro's head snapped up and their eyes locked, he's disapproving and concerned. _Eat_ , she was saying. "No, I can't."

* * *

"I know why you're doing this," Ryoma sighed. "But I also want you to know that you were able to fulfill your duties ten times better when you were bigger and healthier. Do you think you can protect the kingdom when you can't even get out of bed?"

He buried his face into his pillows, grumbling as he did it. Usually he'd be up ranting about how Ryoma didn't know what he was talking about and how it was _his_ life - all that angst he hated feeling but couldn't help - but right now he didn't have the energy to. Lucky Ryoma, he'd picked a convenient time, hadn't he?

"I don't know what you want from me." He mumbled, not lifting his face up.

"I can't hear you, Takumi."

He felt his frustration flare up and he repeated more loudly this time, " _I don't know_ what you want from me. I was a disgrace how I was before and now that I'm finally thin like the rest of you, you tell me off. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Ryoma made a small noise, like he was about to speak but caught the words before they came out and lapsed back into silence. Takumi hoped that he made him uncomfortable because that's how he'd been feeling the past eight months. "Don't you ever think you're a disgrace, everything would be bleak without you."

"I was - I heard mother and Yukimura saying it a while ago."

"I-is..." He tried to hide being taken aback. "is this what started it?"

His face started to heat up and he pushed it further down into the pillow. It was so embarrassing talking like this, Ryoma was being so nosy and he just wanted to sleep. "Yeah," The words were muffled. "I don't know what to do, brother, I don't even feel like I have control anymore."

* * *

They had been playing shogi for the past two hours and Takumi was really starting to feel the tiredness setting in. It wasn’t even that late, probably only early evening but he had been going to bed earlier recently. He never felt that he got enough sleep either and tried to fight off a mid-afternoon nap each day. That being said, he was still beating Ryoma each game that they played. At least that skill wasn’t slipping.

He let out a big yawn and Ryoma looked up, an amused smile on his face. “You should get some sleep soon.”

“Yeah, I will when you leave,” Ryoma went to get up, thinking that he was being kicked out but Takumi just shook his head. “It’s okay, we can finish this game.”

They played in silence for a few minutes, partly because Takumi was concentrating and partly because he’d spent a lot of time with Ryoma recently and he didn’t really have much to say to him. He had appreciated the company, but his brother definitely hadn’t spent this much time with him in quite a long time. He wondered why he was now?

“You’re good at this.” The older boy commented as his brother knocked off one of his piece.

“I know. Hey, why are you up here so often?”

The question apparently caught him off guard and he didn’t answer straight away, instead preferring to stare intently at the game board. Eventually he decided to speak but didn’t lift his head up. “I worry about you.”

“I’ll be okay.”

He finally looked up and Takumi didn’t like the serious expression that he saw. “I hear you haven’t been very receptive to the two doctors that have been coming up to visit you.”

Oh, great. _That._ “I don’t like how they’re trying to treat me, they make me feel stupid and like I need to be quarantined.” He hated them, they didn’t know who he was and his history and they kept coming in trying to preach things and get him to eat to a plan. They kept asking invasive questions and as if he was just going to answer all these private things. How was _that_ supposed to help?

“I’m sorry that you’re not having a great experience so far, brother.” He made his move and then stood up, making his way over to the other side of the room where the dresser and mirror were.

Takumi assessed the playing board - that move had been terrible. There was no way that he couldn’t win now and so he made his own move with a smug smile. “Your turn,” He announced and upon noticing that Ryoma had moved, he asked, “What are you doing?”

“Come over here.”

“Why?”

“Please.” He sighed and got up, crossing the room so he was standing next to his taller brother. Ryoma had let his robe slip off his shoulders and watched Takumi approach through the mirror.

“What are you doing?”

“Just look,” He pointed to the space between his shoulder and neck. “Can you see this bone here?”

“No.”

“Precisely, now can you see that bone on you?”

“Yes.”

“Do you consider me fit and healthy?”

“Yes, I’ve told you before that I’m trying my hardest to be like you.”

“Well then, what does being able to see that bone mean to you?”

He didn’t know what it was about that question that made him break, but it did. He could feel his shoulders shaking and for a minute he tried to stop them, but soon gave up when they wouldn’t. The next thing he felt was hot wetness rolling down his cheeks and he wiped them away, successfully managing to smear the tears all over his face. The warmth of Ryoma’s arms pulling him in came next and at that point he stopped trying to control himself and let it all out. Maybe, just maybe he was finally ready to admit that he needed help.

* * *

He started listening to the doctors, they weren’t as bad as he first thought. One of them suggested that he go to a group session and meet other people that were facing similar issues and he agreed, but only if he could pretend he was someone else. Each time he went Sakura braided his hair and he wore civilian clothes. He felt like a different person and allowing himself to be someone else ended up helping more than he thought.

It was embarrassing at first, he hated all the attention and fuss but with the encouragement of his siblings, he kept going. It helped, it was just a slow process, but he was making progress. He was recovering.

* * *

**Two years later.**

"Pasty bookworm!" He was shouting and almost at Prince Leo's throat which was incredibly dangerous for an archer. He didn’t care though, the guy irked him too much.

"You don't need to yell," He yelled back, squaring his shoulders up. "Are you deaf as well as dumb?"

"I'm as smart as you, I just don't need to flaunt it constantly."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"Loser."

"Fatso." And suddenly everything was blurry and he couldn’t remember where he was or what he was doing. Hinoka was yelling something and he could feel her grabbing his arm, but she felt far away. Even Sakura who had barely ever spoken to Leo was shouting but he couldn’t make out what.

* * *

It was surprisingly easy to fall back into the same routine. They were constantly moving, constantly training and constantly busy that no one realised he wasn’t at the dining hall. They did so much sparring, both individually and with groups that he had plenty of time to sneak off and go running. It’s cold a lot of the time too, so he layered up and no one even really noticed the difference and therefore can’t give him a hard time.

Sure, he didn’t like that familiar hungry feeling but it was better than being an embarrassment and a hinderance to the army. Plus if anything, it showed the Nohrians just how much self control Hoshidans could have.

* * *

He had gotten up today feeling a little dizzy and light headed, but that wasn’t anything new. For the past few weeks all they had been doing was training, and that he could do at his own pace and stop to steady himself when he needed. But today they were on the move and had been ambushed by some soldiers. It had been the first real fight in a long time and it should have been an easy one, they outnumbered the soldiers by at least double.

But while everyone else seemed to be doing fine, he couldn’t concentrate. His aim was off and each step that he had to take felt like the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. He kept trying though, he couldn’t let the team down any more than he already had. Amongst all the flurry of combat though, no one even noticed until after they’d fought them off that he had collapsed down onto the ground.

* * *

Takumi had woken briefly after the fight when he felt hands grabbing at him. It was Ryoma, hoisting him up into his arms, probably trying to take him back to camp. Everyone was watching and if he hadn’t been so tired, he would have been embarrassed and told them all to mind their own business. But he just didn’t care at the moment and so he fell back asleep. He didn’t really feel up to much else, if he was being honest.

* * *

“W..ke u…” He could hear the words but they didn’t register, so he paid them no attention. There was silence for another few minutes until they came again, louder this time. “Wake up!”

He opened his eyes, one at a time and glared up at his sister, groaning. “What, Hinoka?”

He was in the medical tent, tucked under a blanket. His armour had been taken off, so all that was left was his undershorts. Who had done that, he wondered? And how had it not woken him up? It didn’t really matter though, he had more important questions to ask such as what had happened? Had he been injured and that’s why he was here? He noticed Kagero was sitting a few beds over, her arm wrapped up, something must have happened in battle. He didn’t feel any injuries though.

“Why am I in here?”

“You collapsed when we were fighting, Ryoma brought you back here about an hour ago.”

Oh he remembered now, he remembered feeling lightheaded and shaky and then just nothing. Had someone come from behind and hit him? “What happened?”

“You know exactly what happened.” She snapped, pointing down at his bony shoulders. He could feel every single part of her gaze, piercing through him and he understood. He hadn’t been hurt, he just hadn’t eaten anything in over twenty four hours. That was testament to how weak he really was though, he would have to work on fighting harder next time so it didn’t happen again.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” She sighed and took a seat down on the end of the bed. “Takumi, we need to have a talk.”

“No we don’t, it’s none of your business.”

She hadn’t shifted her eyes from him and he squirmed, looking away from her. “It is, you’re part of the army and you can’t have this happen, and…” She hesitated, feelings weren’t something she had ever been great at. “You’re my brother, I don’t want you to be sick.”

“I’m not sick, I’m fine.” He felt so awkward, he didn’t need to be having this conversation. Why couldn’t everyone just leave him be?

“You are, it’s the same thing again. Why do you feel the need to do this Takumi?”

They didn’t understand. They had all always been strong and lean, they didn’t know what it was like to look at oneself and see a huge, slow embarrassment. He’d finally gotten down to a healthy weight, but let it happen all over again. Leo had made sure to let him know, and while harsh he was grateful for it. He never would have realised without him.

“I want to be like the rest of you.”

“But you are!” She replied, exhausted. “Not anymore you’re not, but you were before. You’d gotten back up to being healthy, in fact you were probably leaner than half the army.”

* * *

It made Leo uncomfortable sitting here and watching Takumi, he couldn't believe that it was possible to be so well, _small._ The infirmary bed dwarfed him and he was shivering underneath the covers despite having a blanket. But he couldn't bring himself to leave because he knew it was his fault. If he had known that he had suffered previously from an _extreme_ eating disorder, he probably wouldn't have made fun of his weight. He just knew him as the chubby prince from the neighbouring kingdom and teasing that had been the first thing that had come to mind.

"Do you need another blanket?"

Princess Hinoka had explained everything to him when he joined their army - how Takumi had been out of commission for almost a whole year and basically bedridden. It made sense why he had never seen him at the various events for the royal families the past couple of years, but it was something he'd never thought about.

"No, it's fine."

"Takumi, I," He hesitated, trying to swallow his pride. "I'm really sorry, I want to help you out."

"Fine, get me one.”

He jumped up from the seat and pulled an extra blanket down from the stand in the corner, handing it over to the other prince. He took it and wrapped himself up, somehow making his body seem even smaller than it was. It was a huge shock for Leo to see someone like this, he’d heard about eating disorders before but being so far removed from the general public, he’d never really seen anyone suffering from anything like this. He didn’t understand it, but it wasn’t his place to try and lecture him and for the first time ever, he really didn’t know what to say.

“I’m…” He started to talk but the next word dried up on his tongue before he could get it out. Takumi looked up at him, his eyes cutting through Leo and leaving him completely exposed. He looked back at Takumi’s pale face and felt an immense sense of guilt again. “Sorry.”

“What for? Getting me a blanket? I knew I couldn’t trust you, Nohrian scum.” It was said more in jest than anything else, but it just made Leo feel even worse.

‘No…you know, all this.”

“Oh, right,” He was surprisingly positive. “Don’t apologise, I should be thanking you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“If you hadn’t called me out when we were fighting I would never have realised I’d put weight back on. So it’s really a good thing.”

What? Was he serious? He couldn’t seriously believe that, could he? “Are you for real?” Takumi nodded in response and Leo just stared back, not sure what to even say. Finally, he came out with “What on earth makes you think you needed to lose weight? I said that to you because the last time I’d seen you you’d maybe needed to…were a little bit more…um, you know,” Takumi continued to stare at him, his eyes were daring him to _say it_. “Bigger. But that was years ago! There was no reason for me to bring it up now when you were perfectly healthy.”

“Everyone keeps saying that, but I can’t see it.”

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the direction this story is actually going in in a friendship between Leo and Takumi building through recovery. Once again, read at your own risk and discretion!
> 
> It has come to my attention that Takumi is shorter than Leo, so please ignore that mistake further down too. I haven't played fates in a while lol

Leo stood in the infirmary doorway, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other and trying to get the book he was holding to not slip out his hands. There were a million other places he would have preferred to be right now because last time he’d come to visit Takumi, it was silent and uncomfortable and he had felt a whole lot of animosity directed towards him. But Xander had suggested he continue to keep him company and while he could have said no, when he tried to something inside had told him that wasn’t right since he was mostly responsible in the first place. His brother’s stern glare had probably had something to do with it too.

So here he was again, being watched with confusion and just wanting to use a transportation tome way away from here.

“Prince Leo, you’re here again.”

“Prince Takumi, yes, I am.”

“Why?”

 _Xander made me._ But Xander also said to be nice. “Um, I thought you might need some company. I know that you’re stuck in here by yourself a lot,” Takumi just frowned and continued to stare, making Leo feel that much more uncomfortable. He had always had to push himself in social situations, it didn’t come naturally to him and right now he was _really_ pushing himself. “What?”

Takumi just shook his head and sat back onto the propped up pillows. “From what I know of you, this is out of character.”

Hey, that was a bit rude. Was he implying that he wasn’t a nice person? He knew he could come off as cold shouldered, but he never usually had ill-intent and genuinely did want to do the right thing most of the time. But there was just something about this other prince that just got his back up. Maybe it was the bluntness of the way he spoke or how every interaction they had he was always on the defensive and ready to snap. Whatever it was, they never managed to see eye to eye and he worried if this time was going to be the same.

“Excuse you, I’m a very caring person.” He quipped back and Takumi just laughed. This somehow relaxed Leo and he took that momentary lapse in anxiety to properly enter the room and head for the chair close to the bed. Throughout their talking though, he had forgotten to readjust his grip on the book and when he stepped it slipped out of his hands, dropping onto the floor and spilling out all the notes he had stuck inside.

He felt his face heat up and he shot to the floor, head down to cover his red cheeks and pick up his scrawlings. Takumi meanwhile was chuckling which turned into a cough and he too had to take a minute to try and compose himself. Finally, having shoved all the notes back into random places, Leo stood back up and took the seat, embarrassed and mad at himself.

“You’re such a nerd, there has to be a hundred notes that just fell out.”

“That’s rude,” he tried to frown, but couldn’t stop his mouth from twitching upwards. “…but you should see my other books.” Once settled, he opened up the pages and let out a sigh once he saw the damage. He had them all meticulously organised before but in his haste to pick them up they were all in the wrong spots. He wanted to spend the afternoon actually reading, but now he’d have to fix up this mess. He glanced around for a table to drag over and get to work but saw nothing, they only option was the end of Takumi’s bed. It would have to do. “May I?”

“Go ahead, but if I stretch out my legs and accidentally kick off the pages don’t get mad.” He was so stone-faced when he said it, he wasn’t sure if he was joking or it was something he was going to do.

So Leo just shook his head, giving him a look. “Please, you’re not tall enough for your legs to reach the end of the bed anyway.”

“Ha! Pretty sure I’m taller than you, Prince Leo.”

He hopped up off the chair and stood next to the bed, enjoying the brief moment of towering over his self-appointed rival. “Prove it then, _second_ Prince of Hoshido.”

Takumi quickly swung his legs around to the side of the bed and jumped up. He paused for a moment when he stood, held his fingers to his temple and muttered something under his breath. Leo felt a pang of guilt over this, he was directly responsible for this state of affairs. Takumi’s hesitation only lasted a second though and he had strode over to the other boy and was already measuring where their heads were.

“See? I’m an inch taller than you.”

“Mm, probably because of your hair.”

He shrugged and sat back down on the bed. “Whatever you say.”

Leo sat back down after this and spread out his notes at the end of the bed, making piles in an attempt to organise them. It was difficult work, there were just so many of them and he cursed the gods for his thoroughness in note taking. Not to mention that some of them had been folded and crumpled during the chaos that had ensued earlier. He thought about re-writing those ones but that would take up even more time and it didn’t _really_ matter that they weren’t neat anymore. That was just the perfectionist part of him speaking.

Eventually he managed to sort out the piles, now it was just a matter of finding the correct pages for each one. He made a mental note to number each scrap of paper next time so if this ever happened again it wouldn’t be as confusing or frustrating. As he started flipping through the pages though, he felt a looming presence and looked up to find Takumi had scooched over to the end of the bed and was reading through some of the notes.

“Did you seriously write these?” He asked upon noticing Leo had realised he was there. “Because your handwriting is _terrible._ ”

“Well, do you seriously need to criticise me in everything that I do?” He had turned his attention back towards the book and made a point not to look back up. “And I doubt yours is any better.”

“It is actually,” He mused. “But that’s because I have a steady hand from archery. Your hands are probably jittery from all the movements you have to do with your spells.”

“If I’m allowed to use that as an excuse, then sure, that’s why,” He continued to flip through the pages, reading his notes back. His handwriting wasn’t that bad, perfectly legible for him. “But I do think I gesticulate more than the rest of my siblings and that could be why. You’ve given me something to think about for once, Takumi.”

He worked steadily for the next ten minutes, placing notes in pages in a sort of rhythm. Eventually, he got them all done and closed the book with a satisfied thud. That hadn’t taken nearly as long as he had thought and he cursed himself for being dramatic. Xander and Camilla had always teased him about that - thinking situations were the end of the world when they were only minor inconveniences.

He placed the book away from potential dangerous note-wrecking situations and directed his gaze up to his current companion. Takumi seemed to have lost interest in teasing him for now and was staring out the window, one leg pulled up to his chest and the other one dangling off the side of the bed. The bed was quite high but his toes reached the ground and Leo noticed how long his legs were. Despite neither of them being particularly tall, he apparently had legs that stretched for miles. This was probably exacerbated by how thin they were now.

The two times he’d come in to visit Takumi he was shocked. Even right now he was having a hard time trying to reconcile this person in front of him with the one that he had been fighting only a few months ago. He didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand how someone could ignore the normal instinct of hunger and look in the mirror and not think _‘hey, maybe I’m going too far’_. He wanted to ask why, but some small voice in the back of his mind was telling him not to do that. He didn’t know much about physical or mental ailments, but from the books he had read he understood that it was best not to interrogate someone who had definitely already dealt with lots of interrogation.

That and they barely knew (or even really liked) each other.

A few moments passed and Takumi looked around, noticing that he was watching him. Leo tried to look away, but he didn’t move quickly enough and was caught out. “Why were you looking at me?” He snapped.

“I wasn’t.” He bit back, suddenly feeling that irritation that usually came with interaction with the Hoshidan royal family - especially this particular member.

“Yes you were, I just saw you,” His voice was angry but his face was worried. “I should have known you were here to make fun of me, it’s what I expect of you, Prince Leo. Come to laugh at the big and lazy second Prince of Hoshido, so unhealthy that he’s an hindrance to the cause. Go on, go gossip to the rest of the army, I know you’re all thinking it.”

Leo didn’t know what to say. Takumi didn’t seriously believe any of that, did he? Everyone he’d spoken to was so worried about him! Even himself, while they weren’t friendly by any means, he didn’t wish any ill harm onto him. In fact that little outburst made him feel sort of sad, he must be so sad all the time if he really believed that that was how people thought.

“No one is thinking that,” He answered, his voice so low it was almost a growl. “You should have seen how worried Corrin and Sakura were when you were brought here, they were beside themselves.” He just shrugged and Leo huffed in frustration. So stubborn!

“What other reason could you be here for then? We’re not friends.”

He let out a big sigh, he was not a patient enough person to be dealing with someone so hard-headed.“ As much as you annoy me, Prince Takumi, I don’t dislike you. Plus I told you earlier, I came here to keep you company.”

“Well, whatever,” His hair had fallen out of its tie during his outburst and he was running his fingers through it. It was so long, longer than most of the women in his life and he briefly wondered how his neck supported so much weight without constantly drooping forward. He twisted it around skilfully, using the ribbon to fix it up into some sort of a knot. “Please don’t gossip to the rest of the army though.”

“I don’t know where you got the idea that that’s why I came here, but I won’t. Loose lips sink ships…or armies in this case.” That was a saying he’d been living off a lot recently, after causing this issue sitting in the bed in front of him, he’d made a pact to himself to think before he spoke and to try and not say anything spiteful. He wasn’t a bad-intentioned person, his emotions just got the better of him sometimes.

“Yeah, thanks.”

He glanced over at the clock next to the bed, it had already been over an hour. He’d completely lost track of the time and he had matters to attend to. “I uh…have to go, I said that I would help out with the cooking tonight. Do you want me to bring you anything to eat?” _Stupid, stupid._ It was just instinct to help anyone in the infirmary out!

“No, I’m okay, but do you…” He hesitated but ended up deciding to not continue.

“What?”

“Do you think you could leave the book here? I have nothing to do so I need something to pass the time. I won’t mess up your notes, I promise.” He grinned at the last part and Leo rolled his eyes.

“Sure, but I’ll be back in a few days to take it back so you better have finished it.”


	3. Chapter 3

Leo was sitting down after helping out with the cooking, finally getting to eat the food himself. By this point the soup had gone quite cold and he was trying to force it down. The actual taste was fine, but the coldness really turned him off. He took a few mouthfuls then dropped the spoon down into the bowl, sighing. He was exhausted from training this morning, talking with Takumi and then cooking with Odin. He enjoyed his company, he really did, but being in such a confined space with him could get very draining very quickly. Luckily for him, his retainer had taken his dinner outside to eat so he finally got a break.

“Leo,” A voice came from behind and a few seconds later Xander came into view, taking a seat opposite him at the table. “The food was good, thank you for cooking for us tonight.”

“I had no choice, did I? My name was on the roster,” He replied, stirring the spoon with his index finger.

“Well, thank you regardless. It was very nutritious.”

Leo gave him a nod and went back to staring aimlessly at the wall. He hoped Xander didn’t think him rude, but he was just too tired to many any sort of engaging conversation with his brother right now. A good minute passed before he lifted up a spoonful again and choked down a mouthful. There was no way he was going to finish this tonight, was there? Xander, who had been watching this debacle, raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t like cold soup.” He frowned.

“You always were funny about temperatures and textures of your food,” He laughed. “Good to see things haven’t changed despite being almost a grown adult.”

He shrugged. “The tongue wants what the tongue wants.”

They continued to sit in silence, Leo staring down at his food and occasionally taking a mouthful and Xander just eyeing him. He looked like he wanted to say something, but kept hesitating. Eventually, he leant forward and Leo felt like he was about to be told off just like when he was a child. His face was stern and had clasped his hands together, just in front of his dinner bowl. Oh Gods what had he done?

But instead of being told off, Xander came out with “You look really tired, brother and like something is on your mind. Are you okay?”

“I’m just tired from cooking I think,” He sat back in his chair, giving up on the soup for tonight. “I trained this morning too and um, I went to see Takumi too.”

“Oh Leo,” His face broke into a gentle smile. The smile that everyone loved, the smile that made everyone feel warm and at home, like they were the most important person in the world at that very moment. How Leo hated that smile because it was the thing that got Xander all the attention, leaving him in the dust. It was also the thing that got broke Leo’s stubbornness down and got him to do things he didn’t want to do because he didn’t want to make that smile falter. But it also reminded him how much his older brother actually cared for him, a fact he forgot often. “How did that go?”

“It was okay, he thinks everyone—“ He stopped himself short, he’d promised that he wouldn’t tell anyone that. “…he’s very stubborn.”

His smile turned into a chuckle. “I’m aware of that, I’ve always thought you two were quite similar in that way actually.”

“I’m nothing like him, he’s so frustrating.”

“Right, right,” He steered the conversation away from that before Leo could get too annoyed and asked, “Did you talk about the issues at all?”

“No, not really. I didn’t think it was my place to ask. Anyway, you were the one who told me to go keep him company in the first place.” He didn’t want his brother to forget that either.

“I know that I did,” He responded. “Because you owe it to him at this point. I am proud of you for following through though, I know social situations can be difficult for you sometimes.”

He wasn’t wrong, but he hated hearing it said out loud like that. Being social was something that Leo had always struggled with as long as he could remember. He was okay when he knew the people he was spending time with, but any other situation made him uncomfortable and wishing he was anywhere else but there. That was why it had taken so much pushing from Xander to go and visit Takumi despite Leo knowing that he did have a responsibility to help him out in someway.

He hated himself for it sometimes. Oh how he wished he could entertain crowds of people with ease like Camilla or instantly befriend anyone like Elise, but no, he was stuck as this anxious young man who had no idea what to do to in any sort of situation involving other people.

“I wasn’t really sure what to talk to him about, I’ve never met someone who has this disorder before. He’s so thin, Xander! And he doesn’t even realise it.”

He nodded his head, frowning. “I know, all that I ask of you is to be kind and patient and let him know how much everyone is worried for him. It’s not going to kill you, Leo. And I uh…”

“Yeah?”

“I’m so glad that you’re here, happy and healthy.”

* * *

Leo peeked through the crack in the infirmary door, checking to see if Takumi was in there. He was, sitting cross legged on the bed polishing his bow. He noted Kaze sitting in a bed across the room too, his knee was wrapped in gauze but he was sitting quietly, meditating. Probably not the liveliest of roommates for the other prince. Quickly (for fear of being caught spying), he knocked on the doorframe to announce his arrival.

“Who’s there?” Takumi looked up but Kaze didn’t even flinch.

“Leo.” He replied and suddenly felt that familiar fluttery feeling in his chest. That damn feeling that would always arise whenever he was faced with any sort of socialisation that wasn’t with his family, oh how it plagued him. He sighed, trying his best to ignore it. It wasn’t anything new and after long enough it would eventually go away, he was counting on that.

“Right,” Replied his voice. “Come in if you want to.”

He pushed the door open fully and strode over as confidently as possible, knowing full well he wasn’t fooling anyone. He thanked the Gods that Kaze was too deep in meditation to witness the awkwardness. He hovered for a second before pulling the chair over and taking a seat.

“Did you finish my book?”

“Actually yeah, I did,” He answered. He reached over to the bedside table and handed it over. “It was interesting, I read your notes too. What I could make of them, at least.”

Leo rolled his eyes at that last jab, but ignored it. “You didn’t mess them up again, did you?”

“After your freak out last time? I would not make that mistake again,” He laughed. “You made some good points about the Hero King though, a lot of them were different to what I thought.”

“Well, now that you’ve finished it, _I_ can,” He tucked the book away under the chair. “I’m surprised you finished the book though, Prince Takumi. I never really pictured you as someone who enjoyed reading.” Ha, now he was able to get _his_ jab in.

Instantly his tone switched to defensive and Leo regretted it. _Why was he always like this?_ “And why’s that? Don’t I look very smart to you, oh wise Prince Leo of the Kingdom of Bore.”

“I don’t know!” He snarled. “I’d just never really thought about it. But it doesn’t matter, I brought you another one to read,” He tossed the second book he’d been holding the whole time onto the end of the bed and made a point to look away, staring out the open doorway. “Whatever, enjoy.”

Takumi didn’t say anything and looked the other direction. The tension was so thick and he silently begged for Kaze to awaken and break the silence. But he didn’t, he was still sitting there, oblivious to the two warring princes.

Eventually though, Takumi did turn back and out his periphery he noticed him pick up the book and flip through the pages. Leo relaxed slightly at this and turned back around too, but kept his grumpy expression. He wanted him to know that he wasn’t happy.

“I do enjoy reading and it’s good to have something to do. Ryoma makes me stay and rest in here most of the time and it’s quite boring.” His tone was different again, quiet - almost embarrassed.

“Yeah,” His own was short, sharp. “That’s why I brought it.”

“…thanks.”

“It’s okay,” Xander’s words echoed around his mind, _be kind and patient._ So he took a deep breath and pushed the frustration away for now. “I’ll bring another one later if you’d like.”

“Sure, thank you.” The sudden switch in tone made him briefly wondered if Ryoma had told his brother the same thing.

It was silent and uncomfortable again now and Leo wished that he wasn’t here. He sunk down into his chair, having a physical reaction to the mood of the room and crossed his arms. He wracked his brain for something to talk about but wasn’t coming up with much. Besides books, he had no idea what interests Takumi had. There was always archery, but he didn’t know much about that himself and didn’t want to risk starting up that conversation and looking like a fool.

He thought back to banquets and parties past, trying to remember what Camilla would do when she had to talk to other nobles and people of importance. She always seemed to get them talking, but how? Maybe if he asked a question?

Mustering up his courage and bracing himself for breaking the silence, he asked, “How are you feeling today?”

“I’m fine,” He shrugged and Leo silently exhaled. _See? It wasn’t that bad._ “I tried to sneak out earlier to practice with my bow, but Ryoma caught me and gave me a lecture. Don’t know what the harm was, I just want to get out for a bit. I’ll go stir crazy otherwise.”

“I think he probably made you come back for a good reason.”

Takumi shook his head and in doing so, his hair which had been lazily tied back off his face came undone and fell everywhere. This was the second time that he’d seen this happen and he tried to work out how he kept it fastened when they were fighting if he couldn’t even keep it tied up now. It seemed impractical and vain.

He attempted to tie it up again, this time in a knot on the top of his head. But the sheer amount of hair just meant that it flopped back down to the base of his neck. “I swear to the Gods, I’m just going to hack all this off soon.”

Leo snorted with laughter but caught himself before he could make even more of an dork out of himself. “Is that what happened to the short bits up the top?” He pointed to the spiky bits that when tied up, just seemed to stick straight up.

Takumi sighed and nodded, but he didn’t seem to take it the wrong way this time. Maybe Leo had finally gotten him into a better mood! “It kept falling into my eyes when I was trying to train, so I had at it with a dagger that was on the ground. Unfortunately it was blunt and the result is what you see in front of you today.”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures, I suppose,” He laughed and elicited a smile from the other prince. Taking not of that response, he figured now was the perfect time to ask something that had been burning him up for years. He’d wanted to ask it ever since he’d first met the Hoshidan royalty but had never had the opportunity (or the guts). “Why do you all wear your hair so long?”

He’d finally managed to secure it up off his face and shook his head from side to side to make sure it wasn’t going to come out again. “It’s a tradition thing, the men are supposed to grow their hair long. Though I don’t think it matters too much for me since I’m not going to be king, so I could probably cut it off. I’d need a good excuse though because Ryoma would have a fit.”

“Just say you were being pursued and your hair got caught so you had to chop it all off or risk being caught.”

“That would have been perfect a few months ago, he wouldn’t buy it now though because he knows I’m spending all my time in here.”

He wanted to tell him that it was reason to get better (even if it was a stupid one), but he kept his mouth shut. Takumi wouldn’t listen t him if he said that, he would think he was giving him a lecture and then say there was nothing wrong with him. Maybe he would try again next time, he could even ask his siblings the best way to bring it up gently.

“But since we’re talking about hair, what’s with that headband you always have on?”

“Keeps the hair out of my eyes.”

“Well yeah but don’t women normally wear headbands?”

“So? It’s practical.” He adjusted the current topic of conversation further back on his head, it had slipped forward sometime throughout the morning. Speaking of time, Leo looked towards the clock and noted that he’d been in here longer than he’d realised and hadn’t hated every second of it like he had anticipated. Takumi followed his gaze and upon looking at the time, his face dropped.

“It’s time for you to leave.” He said, voice low and serious.

“Why...?”

“Leo, you have to go,” Each word was staccato. “Kaze,” He raised his tone slightly and the ninja whom Leo had completely forgotten was there cracked an eye open. “I know you’re injured but you have to leave right now.”

Kaze stood up from the bed and limped out the room slowly. Leo turned back to Takumi who motioned for him to follow. Not seeing any other option, he followed his ally out. As he passed through the doorway, he almost walked headfirst straight into a woman he had never seen before. She was holding a clipboard and was dressed more like a professional and not like she was going into battle like the rest of then. She smiled slightly and Leo nodded before continuing on his way.

Once out of earshot and sight of both Takumi and the mysterious woman, he leant in and whispered to Kaze, “Who was that?”

“His doctor, I presume,” He answered. “They must have brought her over from Hoshido, I think she’s the same one that helped him last time.”


	4. Chapter 4

The bright sunlight peeked through the window of his quarters, shining directly into his face and stirring him from his sleep. He brought his arm up to cover his eyes but pain that he had forgotten was there flared up from the movement and suddenly he was wide awake. You see, while training yesterday afternoon Leo had fallen off his horse and had pulled a muscle and gained a very nasty bruise on his shoulder. It served him right for being too lazy to put on his full armour and he had told himself he wasn’t doing that again.

He cursed under his breath and sat up, resigning himself to the fact that he was awake for the day now. There was no way he was going to get back to sleep with that sun shining through and if he tried it would just be a waste of hours. The clock across from his bed was telling him that it was about to hit 6am and he sighed, two full hours before he usually liked to wake.

He decided the best thing to do would be to head into the kitchen and make some tea, it would probably be too early for many others to be up and about yet and there was a chance he could get some peace, quiet and a chance to relax.

Hopping out of bed, he quickly changed his smallclothes and pyjamas into something more befitting to be seen in and sneakily made his way out of his quarters. He crept silently out the room, careful not to wake Odin and Niles who were snoozing in the next room over. The door creaked as he pushed it open and he saw Odin’s arm move, at the same time his heart leapt to his throat and all fantasies of getting some alone time disappeared. Thirty seconds passed and with no further movement, Leo figured he was clear and sprinted out of there.

Arriving at the kitchen, he set about making his tea as quickly as possible. The pain in his shoulder slowed him down considerably though and he had to be careful not to lift the pan of hot water with his left arm. That wasn’t a good sign, but he ignored it. He just needed rest.

Finally with a mug of tea in hand, Leo headed back out the kitchen and took a seat on the balcony just outside. He had been right, there was no one else up yet and the whole campground was empty. There was something really calming about it, almost like he was the only one in the world right now. The sun was still rising but it was already starting to warm up. Yesterday had been particularly warm, something Leo wasn’t a big fan of. He was too pale to enjoy the sunshine and while he liked eating tomatoes, he didn’t enjoy looking like one.

Having nothing to do but sit there, he let his mind wander. At first he thought about the war and what was going to happen today, everything was unpredictable and while they tried to plan as best they could with travelling times and the like, they could never be fully sure when a fight was going to break out. He didn’t dwell on that for too long though, the war made him sad.

Soon his thoughts turned to Takumi. He couldn’t lie, he _was_ worried. Yesterday he had picked up a book on disordered eating and eating disorders to try and understand the prince before visiting him again today. The things he had read had frightened him and he didn’t even like to think about the worst case scenario. Luckily Takumi wasn’t nearing that point yet and was getting the help required thanks to his siblings.

While the book had definitely helped him understand the physical symptoms, he still didn’t understand what had caused the issue in the first place. He knew and had accepted that he was responsible for this relapse, but he didn’t know why it had started to begin with. Sure, he had always been a little… _bigger_ that his siblings, but from memory he had never seemed unhealthy. He had always been a good archer and a friendly enough person at all their royal galas over the years. There seemed to be no reason for this all.

But to Takumi, he supposed, there was and unless he could actually talk to him openly he wouldn’t understand or be able to help. So that was the next step.

There was a stepping sort of sound and Leo switched his mind back to the present. He could see Ryoma in the distance slowly making his way towards the kitchen. Seems like his alone time was over, it had been nice while it lasted. He watched the tall figure approach and when he was reasonable distance away, lifted his hand in a half wave.

“Good morning, Leo,” He greeted, nodding his head. It was something he had noticed the Hoshidans doing having been in such close contact with them recently. It must have been a cultural thing. “You’re up early, I’m usually the first one here every morning.”

“Yes, the sun through my windows woke me up.”

“It’s very bright at this time of the year,” He smiled, stepping up onto the balcony. He’d never had a lot of contact with the eldest prince of Hoshido and most conversations with him recently had been with his other siblings around, it had never been one on one. Him being in such close proximity now though made Leo realise just how much he was reminded of Xander. He had that same smile that made Leo feel warm and important and he wondered how he could have ever called this man an enemy when he seemed so gentle. “I’m going to go inside and make some tea, then may I join you?”

“Sure, if that’s what you’d like.” He settled back down and tried to enjoy the last few minutes of silence that he was going to get, but he found he couldn’t relax. The could feel the anxiety from socialising starting to rise and he gulped down his tea. There was no reason to feel this way, Ryoma was a good person.

_Just chill out, he won’t expect much from you._

_…but what if he’s mad at you? You caused these huge issues._

Five or so minutes passed before Ryoma came back out, taking the seat next to Leo and sipping his tea. “I like to start my day this way, it’s a good way to clear your head and get ready for everything.”

“Yes,” He answered, squashing down the stress and focusing on the now. “I wish I had the motivation to wake up earlier, it’s been enjoyable to have the campground to myself.”

Ryoma chuckled and Leo shot him a look. He hadn’t been trying to be funny! “I’m sorry for ruining your tranquility.”

Oh. Gods he hoped he hadn’t offended him, he didn’t mean it that way. “No, no, it’s okay. That’s not what I meant.”

“I know, I’m just teasing you,” He laughed again and Leo exhaled internally in relief. Crisis averted. They sat in silence for a minute or two, both sipping their tea and watching the sun rise up further. There was some movement in camp now, tent doors opening and some sparring cries from across the way. Another moment passed and then Ryoma turned to look at Leo. He felt small, wanting to shrink up to avoid the gaze. “I heard from Xander that you’ve been visiting my brother.”

“Yeah, I’ve gone in a few times and I was going to go again today. I feel like I owe it to him,” He replied, looking down into his empty teacup awkwardly. “And I uh…I’m sorry for everything. I didn’t know or intend for this to happen.”

There was that smile again. “It’s okay, I know you didn’t. Though I hope this has taught the both of you a lesson about name calling,” Leo felt like crying. He hadn’t realised how much guilt he’d been holding onto and how much he needed Ryoma’s forgiveness. It didn’t ease his guilt, but it certainly made him feel a little better. “Thank you for apologising though, you’re much more mature than I thought.”

_Hey._

“And thank you for visiting him, I know he gets bored and I think that you two will get along if you really try. I’ve always thought you were similar.”

Why did everyone keep saying that? “He’s very stubborn,” A raised eyebrow from Ryoma. “But he’s not a bad person. I’ve been lending him books because he said he needs something to do.”

“He mentioned that to me,” Was his reply. “Military history books, right? He’s interested in that, I keep encouraging him to study government after the war,” His voice cracked ever so slightly on war and it caused his whole expression to fall. He must have felt terrible, Leo had been so wrapped up in his own anxieties that he hadn’t thought about how Ryoma was dealing with this - both a war and a sick brother. “I’m so worried about him, Leo, I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to him.”

_Keep calm, Leo. Now is not the time to panic._ “I want to help more, that’s why I’m visiting him. I just don’t know what to do.”

This seemed to be what Ryoma needed to hear and he perked up slightly, easing Leo’s stress in the meantime. “It’s very difficult, I know. The best you can do is continue to visit him and listen if he wants to talk to you, though that would be a miracle if he did. Don’t make him feel guilty either, he feels bad enough about himself for some reason and we should try and change that thinking.”

“Okay.”

“Thank you, Leo. I never though you’d be someone I’d be relying on for help, but I’m glad that you are.”


	5. Chapter 5

He didn’t think it could happen, but the apprehension he felt while visiting Takumi last time had doubled this time around. He wasn’t sure what had caused it, but he thought it was to do with seeing the doctor waiting outside when he had left. It brought up a whole lot of new questions that he wanted answers to, but he didn’t know how to ask them. What if he said the wrong thing and Takumi flared up? They were doing enough fighting outside of camp, the last thing he felt like right now was getting into another one.

Takumi was sitting on the bed with the duvet wrapped around his shoulders. Upon seeing the other prince walk in, he smiled up at him with chattering teeth and extended a hand for the book Leo was carrying.

“Hello, yes it’s good to see you too.” He sniggered, placing the book on Takumi’s open palm. It was a thick one this time and he laughed again when his wrist couldn’t support the weight and the book fell straight off.

He picked it up and straightened out the dust cover, making sure it wasn’t damaged. It wasn’t. He scanned over the cover and gave Leo a look he didn’t understand. “I was getting to that,” He replied. “Thanks for bringing this along, I finished the other one yesterday.”

“It’s no issue.” Leo thought about sitting down, but Takumi’s shivering was worrying him a little. So instead he opened up the cupboards by the window and had a hunt around for an extra blanket. He grabbed one out and threw it over, catching Takumi by surprise and landing on the top of his head.

“You have bad aim,” He commented, navigating the big square of material so he could warm up. He looked tiny underneath the two giant duvets and Leo couldn’t help but feel like he was sitting with a child. “It’s cold today, it wasn’t like this yesterday.”

That was a bit concerning, he thought. While it was a little colder that it had been recently, it was by no means cold enough to need two big blankets. Leo didn’t even have a coat on himself and could probably have gotten away with wearing shorts around camp (but didn’t want the ridicule of his pale legs). He had been cold like this the first time though, maybe he was just someone who was naturally cold? That’s what he hoped, at least.

“Yeah, it’s a bit colder,” He lied, finally taking a seat and slumping down so he was almost horizontal. “Um, how are you feeling today?”

“I’m okay, how are you?” He answered almost immediately, a dead giveaway that he was indeed _not_ okay. He probably wasn’t going to open up either and Leo didn’t blame him. They barely knew each other and if their roles were reversed, he probably wouldn’t say much too. And he understood, he had his own fair share of issues that he didn’t want to mention to anyone, not even his retainers. _But_ Takumi was in here trying to get better and not talking wouldn’t help that at all.

Though what if..?

No, that couldn’t be right.

But what if it was? What if Takumi wasn’t trying to get better? Everything that he’d heard from the prince had been that _Ryoma is forcing me to stay in here, I’m still too big, I’m not sick._ Maybe he didn’t think he was sick and therefore wasn’t trying to get better? He would somehow have to show him that he was very underweight and did actually need help.

He knew Takumi had it in him, he’d made it through once before.

He sighed internally, he would probably have to open himself up first before he got anywhere with him. The thought of that made him uncomfortable and embarrassed though, he didn’t like leaving himself vulnerable for ridicule like that. But maybe, _just_ maybe Takumi felt the same way.

So here went nothing. “I woke up with a sore shoulder today, it’s been giving me a headache all morning.”

“Did you want to take my place in here?” He jokingly replied but there was an underlying serious offer there. When Leo didn’t respond, he continued, “How did you injure yourself? You know it’s really important to be training and stretching everyday so that doesn’t happen. It’s not good for the army to be down _two_ people.”

Ha, at least he was self aware, “I train and stretch, but that doesn’t help when you fall off your horse.”

“Gods, are you okay?”

“I’m okay, it just hurts if I move it in any direction whatsoever.” He knew he was being dramatic, but what of it?

They had come full circle. _Now,_ Leo told himself, _that wasn’t so bad, was it?_ He hoped that he had opened up the doors to some sort of more open communication and that Takumi would be more likely to talk to him. At first visiting the other prince had been out of obligation to Xander and his conscience, but somehow that was changing into a real desire to actually help him recover. He was a valuable ally on the battlefield and one of the best archers in both kingdoms, they needed him out there fighting. And Leo wasn’t ready to admit it out loud yet, but once you got past the brash front he put up, Takumi wasn’t such bad company after all.

“How was your time with the doctor the other day?”

Takumi’s face and fists scrunched up and Leo wondered if he’d made a misstep. “So you did see her?”

He nodded, bracing himself for the onslaught. “Kaze pointed her out to me. It’s good that you’re having someone come through to help.”

A sigh and his fists unclenched. “It’s embarrassing is what it is.”

He disagreed with that. Yeah, sometimes it was hard to swallow your pride and accept help but if you had an injured limb you wouldn’t just sit around and hope that it healed itself, you’d see a doctor (he should take his own advice). Leo had read many books in his years and liked to think he knew a little about mental health and from that he firmly believed that getting help for that was just as important as physical injuries.

“Do you want to be able to come back and fight with the army?” Maybe it was harsh, but what else would work?

“I do, and I’d be fine to if Ryoma would just let me out of here.”

“Takumi, you don’t seriously believe—“

Fists curled up again. “No, I know. I’m not stupid.”

Something about his face faltered. His expression didn’t outright change, but it was different. He wasn’t putting up that false confidence anymore. It reminded him of a situation, one that he tried not to bring up too often but remembered all the time. Four years ago he recalled, Xander had been spending a lot of time with a lovely lady he had met while sparring out in the village. He remembered really liking her and that was a big compliment as he didn’t warm quickly to many people at all. He’d never seen his brother so happy but it was soon squashed out by their father who said that only princesses were acceptable suitresses. He had wondered if their father would feel the same way about suitors too but he didn’t ask. Not that that mattered anyway.

_“It’s okay,” Xander had told him that night. “It was never going to work, our upbringings were too different.”_

The situation was nothing like this, but the reluctant acceptance was the same.

“I didn’t say that you were.”

“I talk it up like I’m healthy and fine, but I know that I’m not. I live in this godforsaken body so no one knows that better than me,” He had shut his eyes, as if that made everything easier. “You think it’s fun to be stuck in here all day, sleeping all the time because I have no energy to get up and do anything? I can’t even shoot my bow, Leo and that was the only thing I was good at before.”

He didn’t know how to reply. This was the first time Takumi had opened up to him at all and he didn’t want him to stop, but he wasn’t sure what to say that didn’t make both of them feel awkward. “If you know that, then why don’t you do something? Make yourself healthier?”

“You have no idea how much I want to be healthy. I want to be a part of the army like everyone else, I hate being stuck in here.”

“Then why?”

He’d opened his eyes again and had been staring at Leo for a minute or two. He opened his mouth to reply but shut it again almost immediately and looked away. He didn’t say anything straight away and Leo sat there patiently, thinking back to his conversation with Ryoma. If anything, he owed it to the older Hoshidan prince to sit here and be a good friend.

“Why do you even care?” If the situation had been different, Leo would have made a comment about him sounding like a moody teenager. But that wouldn’t be appropriate nor helpful, so he kept the thought inside his mind. Takumi was banging his fist against his knee in frustration, watching and waiting for a response.

He had to pick his words carefully otherwise all this would be for nothing and they would be back at square one again. He still wasn’t sure how Takumi thought of him either, whether he was still distrustful and put up with his visiting because he had nothing else to do or if he (like Leo) had grown to actually sort of consider him a friend. Maybe they weren’t particularly close, but Leo certainly enjoyed his company and was finding that they actually had similar interests. He should probably just tell him that, right? Being more straightforward was something he was working on.

“…I guess because I feel responsible?”

He whipped his head back around, his face a storm cloud. “Right right, so basically to make yourself feel less guilty?” Shit. He’d messed that one up. “Well guess what, it’s nothing to do with you, it’s all to do with me. There, you can stop feeling bad now and you don’t have to visit anymore.”

“No, no, that came out wrong. It’s not what I meant at all,” Takumi glared up at him, daring him to go on. He felt his face starting to heat up so he closed his eyes, picturing the big open field back home that he liked to spar in - the calmest place he could think of. “The first time I visited you because Xander told me to. I felt so terrible and he told me that I owed it to you. Every other time I’ve come because I—um, “ Gods, why was this so difficult? What was wrong with him? “I actually really enjoy your company and at this point I think of you as a friend.”

And friends help each other. He didn’t say it, but he knew Takumi knew what he meant.

There wasn’t a response straight away and Leo sat there, feeling like the weight of the tension in the air was going to crush him until he was flat against the ground. It was the same sort of feeling he had whenever he was in his father’s company. Except this time he didn’t have his siblings with him to help, he had to deal with it himself. But you know what? He could do that because he was sitting with someone who was struggling with something a lot more difficult than he was.

A long, drawn out breath brought his focus back in. “Um, it’s kind of like this,” He had grabbed the blanket he was sitting underneath and was twiddling it around nervously. “I don’t see myself as big anymore, but every time that I eat anything I feel huge. I feel like I’m a disgrace to family and then I hate myself even more than usual.”

“I know what that’s like.”

He smirked and that one tiny thing lifted the whole atmosphere of the room. It was cool, they were cool. They were friends. “You’re full of self loathing too?”

“Yeah, what middle child isn’t?” A laugh from both of them this time and at that moment Leo felt something shift. Things weren’t going to be easy, but their relationship was getting better.


End file.
